Category Archives: Writing

It’s Already Been Done: A Particular Lie

Pinterest Board

At any given moment, there are millions of artists and craftspeople working around the world, making things that may or may not have any pragmatic use (depending on how you define pragmatics), and for most of human history, those artists worked in small corners, unnoticed except by the few.

Not so today, thankfully.   An explosion of exposure to the truly stunning array of creativity on this planet is now at our fingertips, and for me, the effect of this exposure has multiple prongs.   I’d be curious to know how you deal with it.

First of all, there’s inspiration.  Yes, I can barely tear myself away from browsing among artists’ websites, and now that Pinterest is here, so many curators make discovery a simple process.  Simply find a board displaying the kind of artistic sensibilities that turn you on, and begin to follow the trail to site after site after site of truly creative, beautiful things.  Sometimes these artifacts and pieces are done for social cause, but more often not.   Beauty of line, form, color, and composition just calls to us, and there are images and sculptures and fashions that catch our attention, make us laugh, amaze us, make us point and share and post to Facebook.  We “repin” things all the time, saying “look at that,” “look at that,” “and that, too!”

And with that energy running, we turn to our own work, and get to it.

But there’s another piece to this, and I’m wondering if you feel it as I do.

It’s that what you’re about to make, as much as it comes from your own heart and sensibility, has already been done, perhaps—if not probably—better than you’re about to do it.   Follow the threads of photography, art, color, and design on Pinterest, Flikr, whatever, and there is such brilliance there, it seems as if it is ubiquitous already.  What is the need of yet another picture of a tulip?  What is the need of another play on racism (well, maybe we do need one of those) or better yet, King Arthur, of all things?  (For those of you that know my playwriting.) What will a poet say that has not been said far better? (An easy thought to think on Shakespeare’s birthday, which was yesterday.)

All of this, of course, cuts to motive and the heart.  Why do we make what we make?  What are seeking?  What do we hope for as we forge our novels, plays, paintings, and poems?   I don’t know the answer to this.   Here’s one of my mantras: motives are always mixed.   Humans are not purists in this way; we are motivated in gradients and mixtures, the slider leaning toward the noble or the more selfish, depending on the day.  In secure times, we lean toward complete service, hoping to further all the love and altruism the world can take on.  In lean moments, when the terror of utter failure raises its head, we can become self-serving sellouts, desperate to pay the bills or get the one nod of approval we think is going to restore our sanity.

Stephen Pressfield (The War of Art) writes all this off to resistance, which he calls evil.  I’m paraphrasing him, but Pressfield says resistance not only wants to shut your voice down, it wants to kill you.   He’s serious about this, I think, and as I sit here writing this post, I think I’d better be, too.  Because he’s right.

And finally, my own pushback to this notion that what I’m making is not needed because there’s so much great stuff out there already, is simply this:

What I’ve always wanted were moments.  Moments in which the curtains part and something of that invisible trail that leads to God (or insight or beauty or love or whatever it is you want to call it) becomes visible, slips into your spirit, fills up your soul, and you are reborn a little bit.   When I had those moments as a young man in my teens and twenties, I couldn’t name it, but I could sense—feel—what I was after.

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A moment of light through a petal’s delicate membrane; a moment of a human body held in tension on the point of balance wherein all is still; a moment of voice uttering words five hundred years old in such a way as to break a postmodern heart.  A moment of holy silence in a chapel holding nothing but us poor, ignorant humans splayed out before the mystery of things.   A moment at a desk laboring to capture that elusive future moment when an actor will play an action that you’ll write today, and in some far off place, a person you will never meet will sit in the dark for an hour, and, responding to a moment you dreamed of years ago, he or she will make a small turn of heart, and hope will enter the world again.

Moments are not repeatable or interchangeable.   A human moment is about here and now, mindfulness, about being awake.

There will never be enough of such moments.   How many will you find, make, and share today?

“You are the light of the world.  A city set on a hill cannot be hid.  Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket.  No.  They set it on a table and it gives light to everyone in the house.  So let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good work and glorify your father who is in heaven.”

– Jesus of Nazareth

We can be such fools…

 

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On Living Longer Than Dad

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Jim Berryman

I have now lived ten days longer than my father.

As we flew to Hawaii on Friday, April 12, I was thoughtful of another date: July 23, 1988, was Jimmy Joe Berryman’s 19,707th day, and his last.

April 12, 2013 was Jeffrey William Berryman’s 19,707th day.  All that day, I reflected on the fact that my life’s length equaled that of Dad’s, who died just shy of his fifty-fourth birthday back when I was twenty-nine.  Acute leukemia killed him one month and three days before Amy was born.

This is the question I kept asking myself out over the Pacific Ocean: what should I make of this period of time neither my father nor his father got?

Anjie and I have been talking about the future a lot lately.  Our lives have changed in recent years.  Though we remain strongly connected to our children, they’ve each gone off and begun the process of doing just what we wanted them to do, which was to build solid, independent lives built on foundations of faith, dreams, perseverance, and service.  “The kids are gone and the pets are dead”—we once heard that was the true definition of freedom—and as thankful as we are for our lives thus far, we have grown a bit restless, agreeing together that we need to make new patterns of meaning, behavior, rhythm, and service.

So we’re in the process of praying, thinking, talking, and dreaming just like we did years ago, and though we’re both in the middle of jobs and projects well in motion, we’re trying again to discern the larger picture, and get a sense of which way the wind might be blowing for us over the next 15-20 years, assuming (knowing that it might not be true) that God’s going to grant us this next period of time.   We often say—with a twinkle in our eyes—our lives are just barely half over.  True or not, that’s the way we’re approaching the conversation.

For those of you who know me, you’ve noticed by now that I haven’t said much lately, via blogs, Facebook and Twitter posts, or in performance.  Frankly, there is much to talk about with me, and I hardly know where to begin.   The writing’s been as warful as implied in Pressfield’s The War of Art, and there are days when it’s pretty damn discouraging.   Regrets related to some professional decisions early in my career have been having a field day in the back of my mind as I struggle to make my script work, and the mistakes I’ve made relationally with many old friends creep into play as well.  But back of all that is a growing and changing understanding of life and—most importantly—faith.

In the coming days, I’m going to be blogging a bit more. (“Yeah, we’ve heard that before.”)   How much more is hard to say.   I think about the following things a lot: the meaning and practice of love; racism; playwriting; church; poverty and wealth; theatre; the role of criticism in the theatre; the making of meaning; water (those who have it and those who don’t); injustice’s root causes and the various battles groups engage in to define it and fight it; Christ; art; Islam (I am ¼ of the way through the Quran); the stories we tell ourselves; LGBT issues; the nature and essence of religious experience; brain science; imagination; creation; current events (Boston, the new pope, the theatre I see, pop culture); the list goes on.  Plainly, focus is a problem.

The difficulty of knowing lies at the heart of my journey.   I’ve blogged about that before, and so it’s old news.   But for whatever reason, complexity will not yield in my thinking, and I am reluctant to launch into the sound-byte infested waters, but reluctance can one day give way to cowardice, and with so much at stake in this life of ours, silence does not serve.

It would not be false to say that I come with uneasy voice and a quivering membrane of a spirit as I begin to talk again about my questions and the particular shape of my changing understanding.

I hope you decide to follow along.

And now, back to the question:  what should I make of this period of time neither my father nor his father got?

Something beautiful…

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A 100 Word Prompt: …the extreme weather meant…

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From a prompt from Julia’s Place.
The prompt:  …the extreme weather meant… 
100 words.  Here we go.

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FOG AGAIN, HE SAYS, CURTAIN PARTING

Fog again, he says, curtain parting,
Fingertips nearly numb with night
Still cold on them like blunt, iced hurt
The extreme weather meant to leave,
Meant to deposit on blued skin
Left from yesterday’s hard clinging
While walking home from the grocer.
Sun’s not coming anytime soon,
But brisk, he’ll walk again today,
Hurrying off, hoping to miss
The lovely girl who knocks at noon,
Who wants nothing but to drink her
Loneliness on the rocks, with him,
His cold fingertips so, so fine
For stirring thick, soulful toddies
On long, frigid afternoons.
Heart worn, he climbs the white hills.

© 2013

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Writing: Getting to It

Inauguration day, as a moment of beginning and continuation, strikes me as a fine day to begin writing again.  So here we go.

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After a great Christmas in New York, where I got to hang out with my NYC gang—namely, Amy Berryman and Daniel and Grace Berryman (my amazing kids), not to mention my lovely wife Anjie—taking in all things Christmas (except Rockefeller Center, can you imagine?) and eating day after day like I might never get another meal, and after a solid week of teaching at Abilene Christian University, where 25 top of the class young people jousted with me about art, music, meaning, faith, pop culture, sex, aesthetics, poetry, and Les Miserables, I am now firmly seated at my desk, my computer yawning threats at me (or is that just boredom) if I don’t get to it with my 2013 agenda: I intend to complete two plays and a novel.

I’d better get to writing.

I’ve got my allies arrayed close by: Stephen Pressfield’s War of Art, the Zanders’ The Art of Possibility, Bayles and Orland’s Art and Fear, Robert Genn’s ongoing letters from the Painters’ Keys, Thomas Merton’s Seeds of Contemplation, Annie Dillard’s The Writing Life, Stephen King’s On Writing, Natalie Goldberg’s Writing Down the Bones, Eric Maisel’s Deep Writing, and of course, Robert McKee’s Story.   Then there are the fiction writers to both inspire and terrify.  So far I’ve been listening to Walker Percy’s voice in The Moviegoer and John Updike’s in the brilliant and strangely upsetting novel Rabbit, Run.  (Did Updike know these people?)

Will books and writers help?   Do they help you?   They do me, especially when I open them, read them, listen to them, and make some kind of effort to let their words and wisdom work on me.

And then there are my good friends and colleagues who accompany me on this journey of writing by reading my tomes and offering varying kinds of feedback.  Of course, with plays you need actors and workshops and directors to help you find your way, and I’m grateful to have some skilled folks to help me sort things out.   The novel?   This is where the brave folks come out, willing to read all manner of craziness in hopes of coming across a solid storyline or two.  We’ll see what happens there.

And hopefully, I’ll get a couple of the children’s things out as well.   Sending queries to agents just now, and no bites yet.

Strange to be my age and still pitching as if I were a youngster just starting out.   Before long I’ll turn into one of those inspirational older folks young people point to in shaking-head wonder, thinking, why doesn’t he just give it up?   Can’t give it up, though…I feel as if I’m just getting underway.

So February 1st starts the New Year for me—January is far too connected to December to make for a clean break between eras, so I wait for February.   That’s the day the new grind begins and focus returns.    Oh, I know, it ought to start today, and truth is, with this bit of writing, it’s begun.   Pushing back the dark one more time, ordering the chaos, doing the best I can with this image of God thing.

How’s your year going?

Time waits for no one…

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Poetry Tuesday: 100,000 Words

The most significant writing I did in 2012?  Hard to say yet, but here’s one contender: over one hundred thousand words in lines of free verse tetrameter.

100,000 words in sessions of 15-20 minutes a day 5-6 times a week.  Had no idea until I transferred all of it into Word files.

Is it any of any good?  Oh, I don’t know…but there are some pieces I like.  I’ve posted a few over on a poetry page, so you can go read if you’d like.   And I’d love to hear some feedback if you’ve got any.  If not, enjoy and slip silently into the night.

Why tetrameter?

I have no idea.

My first thought was to emulate Czeslaw Milosz (as if), whose poetry kept me going for about eighteen months in daily, early morning readings.   His ability to capture the fleeting moment, especially on behalf of some unknown person that he found captivating, spoke to me of the worth of each man and woman, every day of their lives, regardless of what they were doing, or what was happening to them.

After writing a bit of verse with Milosz in mind, I decided I needed a frame, a boundary that was a bit stricter.  So I looked at the ceiling and thought, “Pentameter.”  Then I thought, “No, too many syllables.”   Why?  Just an intuition, so I pulled it back to eight syllables, and wondered about rhyme, and thought, “Nope.”  So free verse tetrameter, it is.

And I began.

I’ve written about family, about love, about God, about religion, about coffee (lots about coffee), and all manner of art, beauty, and questions.  And sex.   (I often wondered if I was allowed to be writing about sex, but hey, there you go.  Curious now, aren’t you?)

Those lines are in the lock box for now.

Anyway, I learned one more time that boundaries and frames are good things, allowing for connections and ideas that you would otherwise never find, never see coming.

If you’re interested, here’s a piece to get you started:

 

STAMEN WET WITH POLLEN GLITTER

Stamen wet with pollen glitter
Thrust from red centers of soft yellow,
Inspiring the middle aged man
Wandering the hills looking for light.

White roots reach over sloping ground
Like arms sinewy and strong,
Gripping earth, holding place for good,
Come hell or tsunami or dark night.

Yellow-bright leaves, big with old life
Nestle against these arteries,
These tree branches skimming the earth,
Sighing a last time, thankful for wind.

They fill with morning light’s best glow,
And shine as best they can at Heaven,
Knowing God catches those who fall
In proper season, hearts effort-weary,
Done with trying, done with longing.

Stillness settles, and breath eases
Away, slows as if at ease, and closes
Out its long, long run of living.
Who knew leaves sometime fall in Spring?

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