Tag Archives: Inspiration

It’s Already Been Done: A Particular Lie

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At any given moment, there are millions of artists and craftspeople working around the world, making things that may or may not have any pragmatic use (depending on how you define pragmatics), and for most of human history, those artists worked in small corners, unnoticed except by the few.

Not so today, thankfully.   An explosion of exposure to the truly stunning array of creativity on this planet is now at our fingertips, and for me, the effect of this exposure has multiple prongs.   I’d be curious to know how you deal with it.

First of all, there’s inspiration.  Yes, I can barely tear myself away from browsing among artists’ websites, and now that Pinterest is here, so many curators make discovery a simple process.  Simply find a board displaying the kind of artistic sensibilities that turn you on, and begin to follow the trail to site after site after site of truly creative, beautiful things.  Sometimes these artifacts and pieces are done for social cause, but more often not.   Beauty of line, form, color, and composition just calls to us, and there are images and sculptures and fashions that catch our attention, make us laugh, amaze us, make us point and share and post to Facebook.  We “repin” things all the time, saying “look at that,” “look at that,” “and that, too!”

And with that energy running, we turn to our own work, and get to it.

But there’s another piece to this, and I’m wondering if you feel it as I do.

It’s that what you’re about to make, as much as it comes from your own heart and sensibility, has already been done, perhaps—if not probably—better than you’re about to do it.   Follow the threads of photography, art, color, and design on Pinterest, Flikr, whatever, and there is such brilliance there, it seems as if it is ubiquitous already.  What is the need of yet another picture of a tulip?  What is the need of another play on racism (well, maybe we do need one of those) or better yet, King Arthur, of all things?  (For those of you that know my playwriting.) What will a poet say that has not been said far better? (An easy thought to think on Shakespeare’s birthday, which was yesterday.)

All of this, of course, cuts to motive and the heart.  Why do we make what we make?  What are seeking?  What do we hope for as we forge our novels, plays, paintings, and poems?   I don’t know the answer to this.   Here’s one of my mantras: motives are always mixed.   Humans are not purists in this way; we are motivated in gradients and mixtures, the slider leaning toward the noble or the more selfish, depending on the day.  In secure times, we lean toward complete service, hoping to further all the love and altruism the world can take on.  In lean moments, when the terror of utter failure raises its head, we can become self-serving sellouts, desperate to pay the bills or get the one nod of approval we think is going to restore our sanity.

Stephen Pressfield (The War of Art) writes all this off to resistance, which he calls evil.  I’m paraphrasing him, but Pressfield says resistance not only wants to shut your voice down, it wants to kill you.   He’s serious about this, I think, and as I sit here writing this post, I think I’d better be, too.  Because he’s right.

And finally, my own pushback to this notion that what I’m making is not needed because there’s so much great stuff out there already, is simply this:

What I’ve always wanted were moments.  Moments in which the curtains part and something of that invisible trail that leads to God (or insight or beauty or love or whatever it is you want to call it) becomes visible, slips into your spirit, fills up your soul, and you are reborn a little bit.   When I had those moments as a young man in my teens and twenties, I couldn’t name it, but I could sense—feel—what I was after.

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A moment of light through a petal’s delicate membrane; a moment of a human body held in tension on the point of balance wherein all is still; a moment of voice uttering words five hundred years old in such a way as to break a postmodern heart.  A moment of holy silence in a chapel holding nothing but us poor, ignorant humans splayed out before the mystery of things.   A moment at a desk laboring to capture that elusive future moment when an actor will play an action that you’ll write today, and in some far off place, a person you will never meet will sit in the dark for an hour, and, responding to a moment you dreamed of years ago, he or she will make a small turn of heart, and hope will enter the world again.

Moments are not repeatable or interchangeable.   A human moment is about here and now, mindfulness, about being awake.

There will never be enough of such moments.   How many will you find, make, and share today?

“You are the light of the world.  A city set on a hill cannot be hid.  Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket.  No.  They set it on a table and it gives light to everyone in the house.  So let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good work and glorify your father who is in heaven.”

– Jesus of Nazareth

We can be such fools…

 

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On Forgetting Your Lines…

The opening night audience, all a-flutter with anticipation, arrives at what is known as the summation scene of a mystery thriller, the famous detective having cleverly solved what was heretofore a thorny puzzle.    He meticulously lays out the clues and their natural conclusion, the culprit is apprehended, and lights come up, and everyone goes home happy and satisfied with the comedy, the drama, and the romance.

Unless of the course, the actor playing the famous detective short-circuits, and has an experience we call in the theatre, “going up.”   Which, in more common language, means he forgets his lines.

Truth is, this sort of thing is fairly common in the theatre.   You know what you’re doing, and suddenly, you don’t.  The audience may or may not be able to tell that you’re struggling, but your fellow actors know, and for a few brief seconds that seem like a few long years, your mind is a white-out, and you are falling through an abyss that is the heart of the actor’s nightmare.

I had a couple of these moments over the opening weekend of Taproot Theatre’s Gaudy Night, and I suspect it’s not all that proper to talk about these things in public, but the experience of that kind of terror (too strong a word here, but not far from it) has spiritual and ordinary life analogs that I think are worth considering.

I’ve heard a couple of accomplished people lately (a leading Broadway actor and I forget who the other one was) say that in truth, no one in the world knows much about what they’re doing—we’re all just winging it as best we can.    We’re making it up as we go, and as we have all experienced, the thin veneer of confident presentation can suddenly come apart, it’s sickening disappearance amazingly swift.   A credit card doesn’t clear and we’re standing in the grocery line as everyone stares at the insolvent dude, humiliation pretty complete.   We sit on the freeway, car dead, backing up traffic for miles, suffering the withering stares of passing folks who used to be in a hurry.   Sexual performance short-circuits, critics call your writing bad names, a junior high audience of two-hundred popular kids from around the state of Texas bursts into loud catcalls of laughter when you begin to sing at show and tell, and you’re serious as all get-out (as we used to say in Texas.)  What do you do?  You wilt, you hide under a rock, you climb back into bed, you sing on to the end—by God, let ‘em laugh!

That last event (the laughing junior high crowd) was one of the epic experiences of my childhood, one that marked me more deeply than I care to admit.  Failure is confusing.  I’ve been in a couple of plays where I lost my lines so badly that there was really no escape.   Should we admit these things?  I don’t know, but it’s the truth…this is life.   We lose our lines.   We forget what play we’re in, what character we’re playing, and who the hell knows what action we’re supposed to be playing at the moment?   Our actor partners get bug-eyed, stammering, wanting to help, and they do in some way rescue you, but truth is, you will either get back on track or you won’t, and the play (or the job, or the marriage, or the education, or the poem) will live or die, and employment will go on or end, and either way, you’ll go home at the end of the night and decide how you will respond to this ongoing yawning reality that tomorrow will bring yet another opportunity to public embarrass yourself.

Welcome to risk.  Welcome to opportunity.  Welcome to what it means to be alive.  As my wise mentor/voice teacher/second mom told me years (I was about to get married, and the comment referred to the possibility of having a child sooner than later), “If you don’t want to play, don’t suit up.”

“If you don’t want to play, don’t suit up.”

Truth is, when I’m at the theatre as an audience member, I always enjoy the moments when actors get lost a bit, mostly because it immediately illuminates the difference between theatrical time, that magic state of mind where we travel imaginatively to where the play has us going, and actual time, where flesh and blood panic, and adrenaline rushes not because of anything fictional, but because suddenly, the very real human stakes of accomplishment and failure are laid bare, and now, something alive is happening, drama running all over the body, capturing in a heartbeat the human struggle we all face, every day.    It’s not good, it shouldn’t happen, we’re all professionals here, it’s a breaking of the contract with the audience.   But truth is, it happens, and we get back up and go on.

Or we don’t.

That impulse to stop, to lay down, to quit making, to quit risking, to quit giving, to quit putting yourself in the place where failure is not only possible, but likely…I get it.   Life is hell, sometimes.   It hurts.   It breaks our backs.    We get betrayed, or we betray, and desperate, we think we can’t go on.   Been there, done that, may go back to it someday.  Maybe today if the wind changes.

So yes, I forgot my lines.   There are reasons, but they don’t matter really.   And let’s not overdramatize.   Truth is, I got back on track, and we delivered the play.   Disaster avoided.   Mostly.   But when the lights go down, and you know you have another show in a few hours, here’s what you do.   You go to work, you do your damndest to make sure it doesn’t happen again.   And you take courage and comfort in the words of the actors around you, all of whom have been there, as they offer you grace and strength to go out and do it again.   And again.   And again.   And again.  And that night, you sweat bullets, and the words are there, every one of them.    And you thank God, and move on.

Go be a part of your life’s drama today.   Who knows what part of the play you’re in?  If you’re struggling with your lines, speak anyway.   Trust that they’ll come.   And if you see any fellow actors, those friends caught up in the intersection of your story with theirs, struggling with their lines, elevate the attention you’re paying, and hold them up.   The audience they’re playing for needs you to help them.

Those audiences may well be divine.

Speak the speech, I pray thee, trippingly on the tongue….

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Poetry Tuesday: He Lifts The Elegant Lid

Poetry Tuesday…I’ve told a few people how I’ve been throwing down lines of tetrameter since Ash Wednesday.   What if Tuesdays here became “Poetry Tuesday”?  No comment, just some lines for the perusal of whoever wants to wander by?

Sure, why not?   The following was my entry from about three weeks ago.   Enjoy…

HE LIFTS THE ELEGANT LID

He lifts the elegant lid,

This one, he likes, especially,

Particular to its grasses.

Snow enchants him, and skiers too.

Gatherings of friends around fires,

Ant farms and farmers, and tall corn.

He wants a game to be played well,

Just for the hell of it, and more.

Laughter eases the suffering–

In fact, nothing else will do it.

Certain toddlers catch his eye,

Over and over he wants them,

To be with them, praying they’ll visit,

Spend time, perhaps even speak to him.

He’d love to tell them how much love

He has for thunder, rain, and storm,

How they thrill him in the morning.

He likes ice water, supple shadow,

And cotton curtains easing out,

Encouraged by afternoon breeze

To let in light, and simply breathe.

He likes lips, too, the feel of prayer

Moving across them, scent on skin.

Thoughts are not his favorite

But to see motion, muscling play,

Is to induce near giddiness,

Seraphs jumping, crying, “Holy!”

© 2012 Jeff Berryman

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Acting 101: For All of Us

Here’s what actors do, in one way or another.  Imaginatively, they work to enter the experience of a person, a character, imagining circumstances, beliefs, thought-life, sensory preferences, histories of relationships, and perhaps most importantly, what their particular characters are hungry for, long for, and have been living without.   They then shift their physical and emotional lives to somehow begin to interact with other players to present a story of what it means to be human in a very particular place with very particular cultural, historical, and personal factors in play.  (Note: Imaginative, sensory detail is important.  Where does the character’s particular hunger land in their body?)

One of the cardinal rules of acting is that you cannot judge your character and hope to enter into their hearts and minds.   Be it a murderer, a savior, a lover, or a hated foe, to judge the other as an actor is to kill the process of entering in.    People judge from the outside.   When you’re inside the head of the character, none of that judgment can be going on, because it’s not going in their heads.   Get it?   Whenever you watch an actor that somehow isn’t quite succeeding in disappearing into the character, one of the culprits to watch for is a position of judgment in the approach.

This is a process of play and of work.  It is imaginative, muscular work that takes time, energy, thought, research, conversation, experimentation, and failure.  We watch, we offer the work to others, we try to learn what we can about what it means to be human through these interactions.   Our work is to humanize the 2-D characters that lie on the writer’s page, enflesh them, give them voice, and hopefully, serve that character without judgment.

Will I play characters that are not like me?   Characters who hold opinions in politics and religion and sexuality and economics that differ from mine?   I hope so, or there won’t be much to do.

All of this is simply to suggest an exercise for all of us.   Especially if you’re not an actor, give this a shot.   Pick a person, a real human being (call them a character if you’d like) that sits on the opposite side of the fence from you on some piece of human living that you think is really important.   Perhaps it’s a person (in actor terms, a character) that you don’t like very much, that you’d shout down if you could, or maybe it’s someone you fear.  Pretend you got cast as that person, and now it’s your job to get inside their head, without judgment, to grasp what their hearts are like.   Where they came from, what they’re up to, what they see as important and necessary.    Where do their disappointments lie?   What are their heartbreaks?   What is the shape of their human brokenness?  What makes them laugh?   And what do they long for?   What do they want?

If you’re really gutsy, you’ll realize the only way to actually find any of this out is to move beyond your imagination and actually go ask them.   Befriend them, get to know them, differences and all.   Of course, the actor’s work is not try to change their characters.  The characters are what they are.   We will only understand them or not, enter in fully or not, offer our bodies as places for their stories to live or not, and finally, love them or not.

That’s all.

Let’s say you get all this good information about the character.   What’s the next step?   What’s the next piece of the work?  (You’re going to like this.)   Now your job is to figure out where all the deep, soulful things you found out about the other lie in you.   Because the work of the actor is not to find how the character differs from them, but to find where the places of intersection are.  How are we alike?   The assumption is this; all the soulful things that make one person unique are somehow also located in me, and all possibilities lie within us all.

Maybe call this the deep drilling into the old phrase, “There, but for the grace of God, go I.”

We are all the other.

Humanizing, isn’t it?

To restate the exercise: Be an actor.  Lay down your opinions for a minute and try to imaginatively enter the experience of those you oppose.  Your convictions may not change (changing anyone’s convictions is not the point), but I’m guessing the tone of voice, rhetoric, and conversation might.

And then, who knows what the possibilities might be.

All the world’s a stage…

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Birthday Season

Birthdays glow.    It’s silly, really.  Of course we had to get here through the passage of a particular day in time, at a particular moment.  For me it was 9:20 a.m. in a Lubbock hospital back in 1959, born to a young couple with a daughter and an uncertain future.  A half-century and more passes: the father dies, the mother finds her way among church and friends, the daughter’s dreams come sort of true and then they don’t, but then, how is that so different than the rest of us?   That calendar day approaches again, that day where we remember that we got here at a particular time, and that at least a few people not only noticed that we were born, but were actually glad it happened.

“Happy birthday.”   Funny little sentiment, that, but so wonderful to hear.   I have no idea why.   A wish that the day of remembering your beginning–no particulars, just that you began–be happy, joyful, that the activities of that day be symbolic of something innately divine and grand.   “You were given life all those years ago.   I hope you’re happy about that, and that all the moments of this day stand as small symbols of the overall happiness of your life.”   Something like that is hidden in that little phrase, “Happy Birthday.”

For me, the day glows.  May 4 sounds different to my ear than any other date.  So do the days marking the births of my family–my wife, my children, my mother, my sister, even my dead father.   And the dates of other beginnings and endings, anniversaries and moments of death, markers of life’s rhythms, the comings and goings of the simple and the profound.   I don’t know, maybe all days glow…but May 4 is just different.  It’s not that I deliberately try to make it glow…it simply does.  And most years, that glowing is irrelevant, it’s just a sense of awareness, as if the sun has a bit more shine, the rain a bit more coolness, a touch a bit more comfort.

For some, I know, there’s no glow at all.  And it seems selfish and pompous to write that my birthday glows.   “Rub it in,” I hear somewhere out there, a tone bitter and ugly from someone whose sour life is destroying them.   And its not their fault, not really…there are million legitimate sufferings to destroy any given day.   “Happy Birthday” can seem cruel, a bitter joke in the mouth of the naive and immature.    But just to be clear, the glow of the day has nothing to do with gifts or even the wishes of friends.   The day glows long before anything happens, any parties get planned, or any cakes get baked and candled.

I guess its just another way my amazement at things plays out.  I’m here.  You’re here.  We’re here.  The most normal thing in the world.  But I can barely take it in.    The human arrival was no given, and  there are those I will love with all my heart who have not yet been conceived, neither in body or in the mind of God.   How lucky we are to have at least a shot at life, at love, at experience, at giving.  Why it hurts like hell I don’t know.    Why the ache, why the evil, why the enemy, why the need for rescue…I don’t know.

But I for one am thankful.   Gratitude again, perhaps naive, perhaps not taking suffering into account nearly enough, but even so, I am grateful.  For my birth, which I had nothing to do with, and for all my life, which I have little to do with still, except that portion that God trusts me with, for better or worse.   And for all of you who stopped by to say Happy Birthday (face-to-face, notes, Facebook, however you went about it), all of you from so many different parts of my life, from different eras of the last 53 years, I can only say that I am grateful for how all our paths have crossed, and for the way those weavings have perhaps brought a bit more glow to all of us.

We’re still in Easter season.   Deep into the celebration of birth and rebirth, and I’m going to count these days not just as the one birthday of last week, but why not have a birthday season?   I’ll certainly celebrate tomorrow, because it’s the day Anjie and I started our journey together 31 years ago.

This year, when it rolls around, I hope your birthday glows, and I hope you party for a whole season.

How amazing that we’re here….  

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