What I’m experiencing as I go through this initial phase of adjustment to the kids being gone surprises me. I have always been somewhat naive about all kinds of things, so things that might not surprise other people surprise me. There is a critical battle going on inside me about identity and choosing new paths. The tenor of the battle is familiar, all having to do with art and faith and making something, and of course, how to spend my days. I keep telling people my creative juices are crying out to me, wanting to do some acting or writing or something. And it’s true. What’s surprising is the familiarity of the tensions. I was expecting new vistas; my initial impression is that some of the deep soul things haven’t changed all that much.
Central to all of it is discovering again the will of God. Sounds funny, but I’m convinced that God’s will for our individual lives is sometimes direct and discoverable, and sometimes not. Sometimes it’s specific, and sometimes not. Sometimes it’s in tension with our desires, sometimes not. But He’s always there to be a voice in our choosing. But when these yearnings and pitchings start to roll in, I wonder if that’s God’s way of talking to me about direction. It’s hard to say.
It’ll take some quiet and prayer to hear correctly. Or at least…well.
4 Replies to “A Critical Time”
Jeff, this blog resonates with me today. In spite of the fact that I just graduated, now have an MFA, and have a new freedom to go anywhere and do anything I want, and despite the fact that I’m strongly considering living places I’ve never lived before, and considering doing jobs I’ve never done before – it’s true. It does turn out to be about the will of God. Especially it’s true right now that it may or may not be in tension with my desires – what a helpful phrase; thank you for that. I’m in MA visiting a friend from the program right now, and we were just talking last night about how I may end up doing one thing – staying in Indiana, probably – and mourning the loss of the other thing, which would be moving to MA or maybe SC. And that’s okay; it’s important to do what God calls me to do – and I’m still hoping to hear more about what that is – and it’s okay to give my heart some time to catch up with that.
Anyway, hope you’re well. Let me know when the next book is ready – looking forward to it. 🙂 Take care!
I just noticed the website is wrong on that comment… not sure why. That’s my archive. The current one is at 12ofyes.wordpress.com. 🙂
Emily, thanks for the reply. Here’s hoping your heart and God’s will fit like hand in glove as the future reveals itself. And a full draft of the book is done, but it’s not right, and I have no idea when I’m going to have time to get back to it. But I’ll let you know. Thanks for visiting over here from time to time.
Jeff, I hear a lot of people wanting to know what the will of God is for them. I think it starts with obeying the truth that we know – listening to Him in His Word. Philip was on his way to preach the gospel when God pointed him to the eunuch. Paul and Barnabas were serving the church in Antioch when God called them to go on the first missionary journey. Loving your neighbor as yourself may lead to being asked by God to reach out to a specific person. We go from the generic to the specific. If we are committed to speaking the truth in love, a generic command, God may lead us to a particualr person who is eager to hear it. I expect you understand all this better than I do, but some of your hearers might not, especially new Christians. God bless.